Like No Other: Sacred and Holy

Jim and Sarah

Evangelist turned and sat down on a rock beside the road. He seemed to be waiting and resting until the next conversation. From where I stood I could see a couple heading toward us. They seemed to be arguing, and not too quietly either.

Evangelist stood up as they came closer and approached them. They were so involved in their quarrel they didn't see him until he spoke to them.

"Good afternoon," Evangelist said. "May I help you?"

The man looked up, startled. "Well, yes! You could start by minding your own business."

Evangelist smiled. "I beg your pardon. There was no indication that you desired your conversation to be kept secret."

At this the woman blushed and apologized. "I'm sorry. We didn't mean to broadcast our difficulties. You can't help us. I don't think anyone can help us."

"I don't know if that is true. What are your names?"

The woman responded, "My name is Sarah. This is my future ex-husband, Jim. Who are you?"

"My name is Evangelist. I travel on the road, waiting to help people in situations like yours."

Sarah glanced at her husband, who was still scowling, and asked if he wanted to talk with Evangelist. He didn't look to happy about it, but agreed.

Evangelist began by asking how long they had been married, and how long they had been unhappy together. They responded that they had been married about three years, and both agreed that about six months into the marriage things had started to go downhill. Evangelist asked them what they argued about and learned that they argued about everything.

Evangelist then asked them if they wanted good advice or good news.

At this Jim looked up, appearing interested. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that there are two approaches to take in helping couples with troubled marriages. One is to tell them what they're doing wrong. The unhappy couple is told, 'Do this, don't do that.' This is the good advice approach. The other is to tell them of someone who can help them by giving them the power to do what is right. This is the good news approach."

Evangelist looked at Sarah. "Have you read any books on how to have a happy marriage?"

Sarah laughed. "I have read so many books I can't remember them all. There have been books on finances, sex, communication, intimacy, and openness." She glared at Jim. "He hasn't read any of them."

Evangelist ignored her last comment and asked if any of the books had helped.

"Well, I learned a lot."

"But that's not what I asked. Have they helped? Are you happier or not?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you learned things in the books that were good, but that you didn't have the power to put into practice?"

"Yes, that happens a lot."

"So you have received much good advice, and no good news?"

"Yes."

Here Evangelist turned to Jim and asked what he thought of the books.

Jim said he avoided them for two reasons. "They tell me what I need to do, and I already know more than I am able to do. If I can't choke down what I already have on my plate, why should I fill it up with more?"

Evangelist asked for his second reason.

"Well, one of the things we fight about a lot is the fact that Sarah wants me to be more of a leader--to show more initiative. Then she gives me all this stuff to read. She wants me to be a leader--as long as she gets to lead me into it."

At this Sarah started to sputter, but Evangelist motioned to her, and she became quiet.

"Did you understand the distinction I made between good advice and good news?"

Jim answered, "Yes. But there is a problem with what you say. Anything you tell us would have to go into the good advice category. We are the only two people in this marriage, and if it is going to be done, we will have to do it. And we don't seem to have the ability."

Jim then turned to go, but stopped when Evangelist asked, "What would you say if I told you that the problem with your marriage is that there are only two people in it?"

Sarah began to look upset. "You're not talking about open marriage, are you? Seeing someone else?"

Evangelist laughed. "Yes, but not the way you think. I am talking about God. If God were in your lives, you would have the power to do what He requires of you."

"How can that make any difference? We have religious friends who are every bit as unhappy as we are."

"I wasn't referring to a religion empty of a relationship with God. Most religious people use their religion as a source of good advice, and the good advice only condemns them when they fail. This mistake is even made by professing Christians, who should know better."

"So how is your message any different? Are you saying that the good advice is bad?"

"Not at all." Evangelist turned and pointed to an apple tree beside the road. "Do you see this tree? Does it produce apples or not?"

Jim laughed. "Of course it does."

"Does it produce apples because it is an apple tree, or does it try to produce apples in an attempt to become an apple tree?"

"The apples are a result of what the tree is."

Evangelist then pointed to a small bush beside the road. "Can this bush become an apple tree by producing apples?"

"Of course not."

"Suppose it tried to. What would you say to it?"

Sarah interrupted. "I suppose you have a point in all this?"

Evangelist nodded. "What would you say?"

"I would say the attempt was futile."

"Would this mean that you disliked apples?"

"Certainly not. It only means that I know that apples are not grown on bushes."

"Just so. In the same way, the good advice you have received is truly good. But you do not have the power to put it into practice. You are a bush trying to produce apples."

"What can be done about it?"

"There is someone who has the authority and power to change you. He does so when you come to Him on the basis of the death and resurrection of His Son."

Both Jim and Sarah seemed to be following the argument, so Evangelist went on.

"Marriage does not change what you are. It does, however, amplify what you are. This is why so many have trouble in marriage. When they come into an intimate relationship with another person, their self-centeredness is amplified many times over. No amount of marriage counseling can change that. A marriage can only be transformed when the individuals in that marriage are transformed. You cannot have your marriage transformed until each of you as individuals come to God through Christ. Then, as a result, the marriage will be changed. The good news must come first, and then the good advice. Until then, the only value that good advice has is that it reveals to you how far short of God's requirements you fall."

Jim and Sarah stepped back for a moment and talked quietly. Then they turned and thanked Evangelist. Jim said, "There is much in what you say. We need some time to think it over, but we will be back." At this, they went on. As they left, their conversation was subdued. It was clear that this approach to marriage was not going to have the same effect as the other things they had tried. This time, things would be different.

-Douglas Wilson
(from Persuasions: A dream of reason meeting unbelief.)

It is heartbreaking to see what has become of the idea of marriage these days in postmodern society. A couple of things really bother me about how savagely so many people treat this wonderful, sacred thing that God has given us. In search of the happiness that every human being wants, the collateral damage inflicted upon the holy covenant of marriage is unspeakable.

Often times, I wonder if Hollywood may be a microcosm of our American culture as a whole. Or, at least, it's easier to see since the lives of its inhabitants are constantly in the spotlight. Anyway, I just heard the story of Eddie Murphy and his new "wife". After only two weeks of marriage, they're calling it quits. Nice. That sure does improve the image of the institution of marriage in this country. I guess marriage is just like anything else: if it gets too hard, just quit. No longer does the saying, "Quitters Never Win" hold any sort of value to people these days. Or maybe it doesn't matter so much who is a winner and who is a loser. No wait, we don't want anybody to be a loser because it hurts their feelings too much. No longer is there even a definition for loser because it is too politically incorrect to call someone that. So, more and more people these days are not even bothering with marriage, as co-habitation is the popular fad now. At the least, even if considering marriage, a couple engages in co-habitation just to "make sure he/she is the right one." Then when asked the question, "So how is married life treating you?" after they did make it official, the response is usually something like, "Well, it's not much different." Wow, what a tragedy! This first thing that bothers me so much is the delusion of the sanctity of marriage.

Then there are those that, in a quest to satisfy the appetite for happiness, search for alternative ways to be "married". For the ones who disregard God, there are civil unions that make it legal, excluding Him. For the ones who ignore God and His original design for men and women, there are domestic partnerships that make it acceptable, in spite of Him. For the ones who are simply unsatisfied with only one person, there is such a thing as Open Marriage that includes more than two people, thereby defiling the entire thing. And for the ones who look for the easy way out, there are prenuptial agreements so that no one is cheated out of his/her possessions. Adultery is a problem. Divorce is commonplace. Working things out is taboo and too hard. This second thing that bothers me so much is the weakening of the commitment and perversion of the sanctity of marriage.

Yes, it is true that God's plan for every marriage is happiness. But...

"Marriage is meant to be a miniature of heaven—a
fragment of the celestial blessedness, let down into
this world.

Marriage is meant to be a little sanctuary, into which
husband and wife may flee from earth's storms and
dangers, where in love's shelter, their hearts fed with
affection's daily bread—they may dwell in quiet peace.

Marriage is meant to be a shelter in which, covered
from the frosts of the world and shielded from its cold
and tempests—two lives may grow together into richest
beauty, realizing their sweetest dreams of happiness,
blending in whatever things are true, whatever things
are pure, and attaining the finest possibilities of godly
character.

Marriage is meant to be a holy ark, floating on the wild
floods of human life—like Noah's ark on the deluge,
bearing to heaven's gates, to the harbor of glory—the
lives which God has shut within its doors.

A godly marriage is a little nook in the very heart of
God, where faithful souls are held close to the Father's
heart, and carried safely, amid dangers and sorrows, to
the home above."

-J.R. Miller
(from The Marriage Altar)

For those who keep it pure, sacred, and holy, when asked the question, "So how is married life treating you?" the response is very different. It also is pure, sacred, and holy: "It is far better than I ever expected. I am now in a place that I could otherwise never be: in the arms of my spouse, like in the arms of my God."